THE SEX FILES: Nat’s Sex Survey Results

Begun the spring of 2009, the results of the National Survey of Sexual Health are now complete and have been released. The survey reports on the sexual behaviors of nearly 6,000 Americans ages 14-94 and while we all know how faulty these kinds of things can be they are fun to consider against what we know of our own sex lives and those of our peers. Conducted by Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, below are some of the findings (and my snarky comments about them).

1.) There seems to be a wide variety of sexual activities reported by adults. Men and women both admit to forty different combinations of sexual activities! Do people get so bored and jaded as they age that they are constantly looking for a better turn-on or does the human animal have a fathomless capacity to always try something new?

2.) People over 40 report the lowest rate of condom use. Does this suggest the need for better education about STI risks or do diseases simply not adhere well to wrinkled skin?

3.) 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event, 64% of women report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event (the researchers say the difference is too large to be accounted for by homosexual male sex). Somebody is lying to somebody else…and I think I know who it is!

And just a side note here…women, you aren’t doing anybody any good by lying about your orgasms. You will never have one with the person you are with if you continue to make-believe you are having them. Men might not really be from Mars but we are like mercury and will only reach to fill the vessel we are put in. If you do not tell us we aren’t floating your boat on any one occasion and in fact are lying to us about how well our waves rock your shore, then please stop and correct our misunderstanding. We really do want to show you a good time!

4.) Men are more likely to orgasm when their sex includes intercourse; women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in many sex acts, including oral sex or vaginal intercourse. So we now know which gender needs to get a little busier with their variety.

5.) About 7% of adult women and 8% of adult men admit to being gay, lesbian or bisexual. This particular stat would certainly skew higher if the survey was taken here or in San Fran.

In the end will these numbers and admissions change how we deal with one another, how many more men will go down on their women and increase in condom use? Do you really need me to answer these questions?

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