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THE SEX FILES: Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac, Mary Carey’s ‘Happy Hour’ and Lal Hardy’s Bullet

Rocks OffI’m gonna call this week’s column a ‘mash-up’ just like the kids say about their hip music. There’s just too much going on that I want to get to, I figure why not report on a few juicy tidbits all in the space of this weekly column.

Prosthetics, Porn Stars and Poor Charlotte Gainsbourg

So, I finally managed to sit through both parts of Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac movies. Was it worth the wait to slog through part one and part two? Did I have an ache to trip into the dream world that is a von Trier opus for not one but two helpings? Was I just too goddamned aroused at Nympho Part 1 that I needed to come back with a rain coat covering my lap for another dose in Nympho part 2?

Well…

Both films are laconically paced, pretty much boringly sexual and though well acted (at times) not really much about much. I think von Trier wants us to think this all might be about something, with all the commentary, consideration, seemingly controversial airing of theories and overt religious iconography but truly as I felt after seeing both parts…who cares about any of the title character “Joe’s” journey?

Sure Christian Slater is super in a small part in the first film and Stellan Skarsgård is wonderful throughout, usual Trier player Charlotte Gainsbourg is somewhat interesting (considering the silted character she plays) but newcomer Stacy Martin who plays the younger “Joe,” Shia LaBeouf, Uma Thurman even (plus a round-up of porn stars who actually perform the sex scenes, with the help of prosthetics) can’t seem to get their way out of this humorless revere. Even the S&M stuff leaves you flaccid.

Mary Carey’s “The Happy Hour”

Photo credit: Buzz Aziani

Photo credit: Buzz Aziani

On a much more uplifting and certainly sexy note, I had the chance to speak with darling busty blonde self proclaimed chatterbox adult star and radio host, Mary Carey this week. Mary hosts a show, “The Mary Carey Happy Hour” on SiriusXM on Vivid Radio. You might remember her as the ex ballerina/adult star on the premier season of Celebrity Rehab, have heard her maybe on Howard Stern countless times, caught a Cinemax movie or two she’s been in (or her older porn stuff) or even saw Mary running for governor of California. The bright and super positive lady and I had great quick chat:

From adult films, to running for governor of California, ballet and now radio, that’s a lot to tackle!

Well, I have always loved doing radio. And anybody who knows me knows I love to talk. And yes from being on Howard over seventeen times, hosting the Mancow show and running for governor I got quite used to being on radio. And I love doing my show on Vivid SiriusXM.

And the ‘Happy Hour’ format, why?

I want listeners to imagine having a drink with the sexy girls I have in the studio. I want to make it fun, I am a party girl really and a positive fun person. We have segments like “What Are You Wearing” where I ask the girls I am interviewing to describe their outfits, we take call-in sex surveys and there is always a sexy toast.

So, is there any new adult fare coming from you in the future?

I never completely say absolutely no to any possibility, but right now I am working on the mainstream side of my career (if one wishes to see Mary’s adult ‘stuff’ go to her website) though if I did get back into adult I’d do it for Vivid for sure! I shoot movies for Cinemax these days. (Babe Network and Super Sex Program can be seen right now and The Great Bikini Bowling Bash and The Atomic Erotic Hotel will air in the next few months.) But for now I am busy with the radio show and my featured dancing…I love feature dancing in clubs so much. I can get to take my background in ballet, my love for costumes and make-up, all of it, and really explore it all with the feature dancing. I’m a natural born performer.

To hear a sample of Mary’s show (and the rest of the great Vivid Radio offering) go to www.vividradio.com then subscribe to SiriusXM and tune into channel 102 to hear it all as often as you like.

Tattoo Bullet Vibes

N.J.’s own Williams Trading Co, the adult novelty company that is actually celebrating a 40th anniversary this year is distributing the super powerful, very cool new Lal Hardy Rocks-Off Erotic Ink Passion Bullet vibrator. Featuring unique designs from tattoo star Hardy (both on the vibe and packing) these bullets are sure to shoot into the hearts, minds (and other places) of consumers looking for fun. 

“Yes, Bullet Vibes have been around a long time. But from packaging, function, design and material….today’s buyer enjoys different offerings in toys, are smarter and more sophisticated than ever before and these Lal Hardy vibes capture all of what the modern consumer wants.” Erin MacCord the Marketing Vendor Liaison for Williams said.

As Erin told me, “Rocks-Off” the company that makes the new Lal Hardy vibe has sold over five million of their RO-80mm bullets so far and with William’s 40 years, plus the legitimacy and star power of Hardy these vibes will be a slam dunk.

Find the Lal Hardy Rocks-Off Erotic Ink Passion Bullet here.

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