THE SEX FILES: WAP Rules

As if anyone had any question, wet ass pussy can still make news. As we have seen this past week over Cardi B’s recently ‘dropped’ video for her song “WAP” (which she says stands for “wet ass p-ssy,”) ladies rapping about their vaginas draws lots of attention, even during these supposedly ‘woke’ times.

First of all, fans of the 27-year-old rapper are happy to see her back with some new music. Cardi B. hasn’t given us anything in nine months, a lifetime in the diva rap music world. Secondly, if you are a fan of female singers, you get a full plate of them here, each in a cameo wearing some stunningly sexy stuff. Normani, Rubi Rose and Sukihana, Mulatto, and Rosalía are featured across “WAP.” Megan Thee Stallion, joins Cardi at the opening of the tune and is pretty much her partner throughout.

Yes, the lyrics are nice and nasty. With lines like “Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy.” And this wonderful image, “Put this pussy right in your face. Swipe your nose like a credit card. Hop on top I wanna ride. I do a kegel while it’s inside.”

The fact that Cardi uses the word kegel in a modern rap lyric gets her tons of kudos from me.

But the video is hot hot hot. From naked lady statues spouting water from their breasts to so much bouncing flesh displayed in low-cut leotards and bodysuits, to door knockers transforming into snakes, Cardi and Megan intertwined wearing lingerie, the fantastic colors of the interior sets, and the use of tigers (so much so that Carol Baskin of “Tiger King” fame complained) there is so much to feast one’s eyes on here.

For me, the most arresting visual (and let’s face it when one drops a video one cares more about the visuals than music or lyric) has to be Kylie Jenner’s cameo about halfway into the proceedings. She’s wearing a Rey Ortiz cheetah-print leotard, matching thigh-high boots and gloves, with the train of the outfit made of the same print and ridiculously long. When we get the chance to see this long material in full, we also spy Jenner’s fantastically round moneymaker. She should be proud; she gives Kim K.’s ‘break the net’ ass a run for its money. And Jenner, via Cardi B, engendered yet another controversy (the very best advertising for anything is for it to spark up some controversy around in) with this appearance. The folks responsible for keeping taps on when, where, how, and who can appear in a video, have been hitting back that Jenner has no real place here with other black women. But as Cardi told Apple Music’s “New Music Daily,” she wanted “a lot of different females” here “not just female rappers,” from “models to influencers.”

Don’t get me started on the audacity of modern-day arbiters deciding what should be allowed, who should be “canceled,” and what opinions or visuals, or even what speech should or should not be permitted, and what’s not. Like all the other ladies here, Jenner looks smokin’ hot, strutting slow motion in the clip like she certainly has full control over her WAP.

This Colin Tilley-directed “WAP” video is certainly something we all need right now. It’s been a depressing long bunch of months trying to make sense of and live within the lock-down, dealing with the over-politicized tennis match each side plays volleying the pandemic ball back and forth, trying to determine which facts one can trust of what one has coming at them every day…and wearing a freaking mask in public.

It’s like a science fiction movie out there!

I love women celebrating their body parts, whether it’s in how they dress or in what they declare (as I do men being just as bold). I love a healthy nasty salvo-across-the-bow lyric that can’t be denied. If I have to watch a video, make it bright, wild, full of the best modern-day visual effects, pretty much, make it something I might want to watch more than once, I say. And, I love when art of any kind, pokes at convention, has folks turning their heads, opening their ears, and yes, maybe even turning up their noses in disgust.

And lastly, I like looking at attractive women showing off lots of flesh. Sue me. I as much own my JAC (jaded average cock) as a lady can own whatever part of her she likes.

You can see WAP here.