THE SEX FILES: The (Legal) Laws of Sex

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By the time you read this soliciting oral and anal sex is no longer considered a felony in the state of Louisiana.

Well thank God for that!

Laws limiting sex acts have been on the books in many states (in many other countries in fact) and while hardly ever enforced (though the Louisiana law happens to be about escorts as much as anything else) you’d be surprised how much trouble you’re courting when you do what you do with the parts of your body you do them with. Here, close to home if you were to call your son a ‘fag’ or ‘queer’ (decidedly not so nice things to say) in ole Staten Island, you’d be breaking the law and just over the river if you happen to be a man who cross-dressing in Haddon, NJ you’re committing an illegal act. In Merryville, MO, the wearing of a corset is illegal (for women, those Haddon guys are welcome there) and just forget buying a sex toy in Alabama….which sucks seeing as what else are you going to do in Alabama?

All joking aside, it seems most of these antiquated laws, which are still on the books just like the one’s in Louisiana, concern what’s called in legal terms ‘unnatural carnal copulation’, in another words, anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex, or sodomy. Since our laws are influenced-some would say based-on a Judaic Christian ethic, any time a man and a woman (same sex partners are already an abomination in God’s eyes so I won’t get into that drama here) have sex they need do so only to procreate. If a man spills his seed in any other manner (and decidedly Judeo-Christian ethos is man-centric, the woman is merely a vessel, so who cares what she does in any of these acts, least of all if she enjoys them) he is engaged and engaging his partner in an act of sodomy and anti-sodomy laws are spilled (if you will allow me a mixed metaphor) all over our law books.

This is why Louisiana and many other states get all oogly over oral or anal sex and why in Washington D.C. it is actually illegal to have sex-everyday man/woman penis/vagina sex-in any position other then missionary.

It would be nice to think we could do what we wanted in the privacy of our own homes and mostly we can, but it still speaks to both the influence of religion in our laws and how sex is still so feared that these laws were not abolished or even usually considered.  And it also scares me shitless that if this stuff is still swirling out there and nobody is paying attention-mostly-then will any of these silly laws ever come to bite us on the ass?

Then again, things could always be worse. In London, it’s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

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