THE SEX FILES: Interview with Madam Director/Lola-PART 2

Photo credit: Mistrexx Mars

Here is my part two talk with domina/filmmaker/ goddess Madam Director/Lola

Are you dom in your personal sex life?

In my personal life, my husband and I are both switches. I am in general, more dominant leaning. We do not have a 24/7 D/s dynamic in our marriage, but we often have very D/s sex and play. I am pansexual. Our relationship is an open relationship. We both have other play partners.

Since one of the shortandsweet sites is based in NYC (the other LA), do you find any unique characteristics to the NYC kink community as opposed to any others?

I’m a New Yorker through and through, and I’ve never really been anywhere else. I can’t really compare it to any other place because I’ve never really been anyplace else. It’s very different in NY now than it was, though. Effectively, almost all of the rental and house dungeons have closed. At first, beginning in the 10s, they were shut down for things like improper zoning, and then the pandemic happened, and that was more or less the end of the New York dungeon era. I think there is one “great” old NYC house of domination remaining, and you can probably guess which one. There are a few independent dommes with small dungeons, but of course, discretion is key.

Within the crazy past two years, did you find a rise in any particular kink that people were looking for?

Just human connection. Especially at the start of the pandemic, I got a huge flood of emails from people looking for in-person. This was when everything was very stressful, and we had no idea how serious or dangerous the pandemic situation was. Like the 2020 period of curfews and huge swaths of people dying, and ventilator shortages. I thought, “are these people crazy?” Then I realized, for one, submissive types can sometimes crave being told no because it helps them feel cared for. Being told “no” by the State or whatever was stressful and confusing but being told “no” by a Mistress was maybe comforting. Also, they just wanted to connect in any way they could, and email was perhaps the last resort. Also, at that time, my phone sex lines and custom content creation surged in demand.

Following, how does a pro domina, who sees clients personally, survive the pandemic’s cut into your business?

My business is almost all online now. The combo of SESTA-FOSTA and the pandemic were a one-two punch that made that type of business really challenging and, for me, not maintainable. The only clients I still see are ones that I have been training for a while. I have close relationships with them and will not terminate in-person training with them until one or both of us is ready to move on.

How much of what you do, do you do one-on-one with clients, and how much do you shoot for the scenes you sell?

Almost all my work is for video, and in general, I am moving more and more towards working with other content creators and professional models. I don’t ever record sessions. Doing a session is very different than making an erotic film. The erotic film is about the experience for the viewer. I have to think about lighting and camera angles. I have to think about a story. I have to make it interesting to the viewer. I have to have the bottom’s cooperation and consent, but when I’m making a video, the scene isn’t about him/ her personally. Now, when I am doing an in-person session, that is totally different. I don’t want to concern myself with a camera at all. The camera would be a distraction from being in the moment.

Here is a big secret: when I am doing a session, I am wholly and completely focused on the bottom. I am in a flow state, and the bottom is the center of all of that attention. And here’s a bigger secret, I think that most good tops would agree with what I just said. Here’s what makes it really hard: You have to have all that focus and attention devoted completely to the bottom, but sometimes also fulfill the erotic fantasy that they are dismissible and only there to please you.

There is just no way that I can make a great video out of someone’s real session. Why? Because the average submissive is not as interesting to watch as a professional. And that is ok! Submission is personal. Submission is relational. A lot of submission goes kind of inward and isn’t all that performative. It doesn’t always make for great porn. That’s ok. You come to me for training, and I’m not necessarily out to make you a porn performer.

How do you surf the internet with wanting to put yourself out there to be seen and not wanting to oversaturate the market?

Look, the market is oversaturated. That’s just how it is now, especially with the zeitgeist of Only Fans. It’s like that in porn, but also for anyone who generates any kind of content. You just can’t really think about it. You can’t compare yourself to others and what others might be making money-wise. You can test your own content and determine what sells for you and then just keep making more of what sells. I basically just have a formula for the types of content I create and how frequently I release each type. I don’t factor in my feelings or insecurities, really; I just analyze the data and go with what the market wants more of and discontinue content that doesn’t sell. It was through analyzing data that I learned that spanking was my best-selling fetish, and so that is why that is what I make the most of. In terms of just my image, I don’t think there is anything bad about having your image or brand sort of everywhere. Look at the all-time greats, Ezada Sinn and Alexandra Snow. They’re everywhere.

You can find the amazing videos from and more about Madam Director here:

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